But how on earth do you persuade your child to give up their dummy? Isn't it going to be really difficult? Is there a way to do it that doesn't involve tears and tantrums? It all depends a bit on how old your child is at dummy-ditching time (see When is the right age to give up the dummy?, below) and what method you use.

To help you find the right strategy for your child, we've rounded up 8 brilliant ways to give up a dummy, all suitable for different ages and temperaments, and all used and recommended by parents in our MadeForMums Community.

Here are 8 parent-recommended ways to give up the dummy

1. Book a visit from the Dummy Fairy

Works best for age: 2+

Yup, the Tooth Fairy has a younger cousin, who's on the hunt for small children's dummies, not milk teeth. And when you leave your dummy out for the Dummy Fairy at night, you'll find it replaced with a toy in the morning!

The beauty of the Dummy Fairy technique is that you can spend as much time as your child needs building up to the big visit from the small winged one: for a younger toddler, you may want to introduce the DF idea and then follow through pretty quickly, while the excitement's still fresh; for an older child, who's maybe more determinedly attached to their dummy, you can take it more slowly, involving your child in all the Dummy Fairy 'preparations' and so giving them plenty of time to adjust to, and buy into, the whole plan.

This worked a dream for Eve in our MadeForMums Community: "We were terrified about taking away my daughter's much-loved dummy. We took a shoebox and spent loads of time decorating it in the build-up to the Dummy Fairy, talking all the time about how the Fairy would be taking the dummies and giving them to other, smaller babies who needed them. Then we put the dummies in the box together, and, in the morning, there were toys – and all was well!"

2. Go cold turkey

Works best for age: 6 months+

This is not for everyone (no kidding!). And you'll have to be prepared for the possibility of tears. But there's a lot to be said for grasping the dummy nettle and just going for it.

If you can ride out a couple of difficult days – distraction with loads of activities is your friend here –  it can be the quickest strategy of all.

Sometimes, life just presents a cold-turkey dump-ditching opportunity to you, as Naomi, in our MadeForMums Community, found. "My son threw his dummy over the fence when he was 2," she explains. "He looked at our cat and asked him to 'Fetch it!' When I said cats don't fetch, he was very upset but, after a day or so, he'd totally forgotten about it."

3. Take the dummy to the Fairy Forest

Works best for age: 2+

This is a variation on the Dummy Fairy strategy (number 1, above) that has a real magical touch – and also beautifully demonstrates to your child that other children their age are giving up their dummies, too.

Sammi, one of the parents in our MadeFor Mums Community successfully tried this with her daughter Georgia, 3 (pictured above).

"On Friday, we read a book about a girl giving up her dummy,' she says, "and, on Saturday, we went to the Fairy Forest (local woods) and left her dummies for the baby fairies to keep.

"That night, we had a dummy-free night with only one little meltdown and, the next morning, she woke to a present and certificate from the Dummy Fairy. You can see how pleased she was by that!"

4. Take a softly, softly approach

Works best for age: 6 months+

The technique works best, if taken slowly and started quite young – although we've also included a clever variation for older children.

Start by not offering your child the dummy unless they specifically ask for it (make sure you keep it out of sight). From there, you can move to not letting it be used except for nap times and nighttime.

And then, when you think the time is right, remove the dummy when it falls out at night, so your child gets used to not having it when they wake up. The next step, of course, is to phase it out completely.

For an older child, you can adapt the softly, softly technique to ease the transition from dummy to no dummy at bedtime. It all starts with you seeding the idea that each dummy will be thrown away once it's been 'used up' – and then you can start slowly ditching all the dummies in the house.

This is what worked for Louise in our MadeForMums Community. "My little boy had a dummy right up until his 3rd birthday – just at bedtime," she says. "He chewed on them a lot, so I threw them away one by one when they got holes in and he knew he wasn't getting any more. When the last one was broken, he put it in recycling himself, and he's never made a fuss since."

5. 'Lose' it

Works best for age: 18 months+

Ok, so this is a bit sneaky. Think of it as cold turkey (strategy no 2), done a bit more gently.

Once you've 'lost' the dummy, you can involve your child in searching the house to look for it (do 'lose' it somewhere they can't actually find it!). It sounds a bit cruel but, actually, you're giving your child time to realise it's gone and understand it's not coming back.

When, sadly, the dummy is nowhere to be found, offer your child something new to cuddle as a substitute. This will help soften the blow, distract from the search and give you a moment or two to find something fun to do that'll keep your child busy and thinking about something else.

6. Stick a pin in it

Works best for age: 6 months+

This is the sabotage approach. You discreetly make a teensy hole in your child's dummy with a pin. The barely visible hole will make the dummy way less effective on the sucking front, meaning your child will lose interest in it. Well, that's the theory, anyway! And, truth be told, it can work well on younger children.

Be careful that the hole you make is really only a little pinprick; any bigger and you risk the dummy getting a proper hole – and that's not very safe, as small bits could then break off and pose a choking hazard.

Do note that there once was a 'Bye Bye Binky' technique, much-touted in the US, that's all about slowly snipping off more and more of the teat on your child's dummy until it's no more than a nib. You'll still find people recommending it but most experts would now agree it's not a safe strategy.

7. Exchange it for toys/presents

Works best for age: 2+

Of course, there is always out-and-about bribery. We're not ashamed to say this is a very tempting way to go – especially if your child is a stubborn little mite and isn't one to fall for all the magical stuff with fairies.

And it can be amazingly effective if you've got the funds. "She gave it up for some Peppa Pig cutlery and a princess dress," says Sharon H in our MadeForMums Community.

And Lyssa in our MadeForMums Community has some tips for making this strategy work smoothly. "We prepped our daughter that, as she was now starting nursery, she had to give up her dummies," she says.

"She was fine all day and that night took Ted to bed for a cuddle instead of her dummy. Result!"

8. Help your child make the decision themselves

Works best for age: 2+

If none of our ideas are floating your boat, maybe this one will do the trick. It's a slow burner, though, so you'll need to be patient and wait for it wot work.

Find a good book about giving up dummies. We recommend I Want My Dummy! by Tony Ross – which you can also watch being read on YouTube – as it's all about a girl who doesn't want to give up her dummy (funny, that!) but eventually decides it's the best thing to do.

Just enjoy reading the story through with your child. Don't make any comments; just let the idea ferment...

References:

<sup>1. 'Does the duration and frequency of dummy (pacifier) use affect the development of speech?' Strutt et al. Int J Lang Commun Disord 2021 May;56(3):512-527. doi: 10.1111/1460-6984.12605. Epub 2021 May 3.
2. 'Is pacifier use a risk factor for acute otitis media? A dynamic cohort study' Rovers et al. Fam Pract. 2008 Aug;25(4):233-6. doi: 10.1093/fampra/cmn030. Epub 2008 Jun 17.
3. Babies and Dummies. Let's Talk NHS Lothian; What You Need to Know about Using a Dummy. Bridgewater NHS Community Healthcare; Dummies. NHS Berkshire Healthcare Children Young People and Family Services
4. Looking after your baby's teeth. NHS online.</sup>

Pic: Getty Images; MadeForMums Community. Additional research: Janet Mtima

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Yep, while we – theoretically – gain a whole hour's extra snooze time in the October clock change, the memo never quite seems to make it to babies, toddlers and young children. Which means, joy of joys, they're up and raring to go at (the new) 5am – because, to them, it's (the old) 6am.

So, is there a way to help your child adjust smoothly to the autumn clock change, so that you're not woken at silly o'clock on Sunday? Or, even if you are, you're not doomed to start the day at silly 0'clock for the rest of the year?

If you're looking for bedtime story ideas that'll get your baby, toddler or child in the mood for a peaceful night's sleep and help them wind down after a busy day then read on... We've curated a list of the best bedtime books for all ages from classic tales to relaxing stories that you'll love reading with your little one.

Desperate for a good night's sleep but can't bear to hear your baby cry for more than a few minutes? Discover our guide on the Ferber Method of sleep training.

Here are 2 easy ways to help your child adjust to the autumn clock change

1. Start tweaking the clocks one week before (best for babies and toddlers)

This autumn clock-change hack is routinely recommended by parenting experts and influencers on social media and it does work – but it's worth knowing that it has 2 potential limitations:

• You have to be on the ball enough to set it in motion a whole week before the clocks actually go back (so it's no good if you suddenly remember about the clock change on the Friday or Saturday night before it happens)
• Your children need to be young enough not yet to have to fit into a schedule dictated by nursery or school

Assuming that's all good for you, here's how it works:

• 6 days before the clocks go back (Monday October 21st): push your child's bedtime 10 mins later than usual (so, if it's usually bedtime 7pm, make it 7.10pm). You'll need to push mealtimes and any naptimes later by the same amount.
• 5 days before the clocks go back (Tuesday October 22nd): push your child's bedtime a further 10 mins later than usual (so, 7.10pm becomes 7.20pm).
• 4 days before the clocks go back (Wednesday October 23rd): push your child's bedtime a further 10 mins later than usual (so, 7.20pm becomes 7.30pm).
• 3 days before the clocks go back (Thursday October 24th): push your child's bedtime a further 10 mins later than usual (so, 7.30pm becomes 7.40pm).
• 2 days before the clocks go back (Friday October 25th): push your child's bedtime a further 10 mins later than usual (so,  7.40pm becomes 7.50pm).
• The night before the clocks go back (Saturday October 26th): push your child's bedtime a further 10 mins later than usual (so, 7.50pm becomes 8pm).
• And bingo! Your child is now going to bed a whole hour later than they were last week, which – cross fingers! – means they should now wake up an hour later on Sunday October 25th in ace synchronisation with the clock change.

2. Accept the Sunday hour-loss and use it to make Monday clock-perfect (for children at nursery or school)

This autumn clock-change hack is simpler and works even if you forget about the time change completely – but you do have to suck up the pretty much inevitable loss of the extra hour in bed on Sunday October 25th.

And – word to the wise – don't try to beat the clock change by just putting your child to bed an hour later on the Saturday night. You'll probably have a knackering Saturday evening dealing with a tearful, tired child and then still get woken up at the crack of dawn on the Sunday. "Even if you keep your child up the night before, they are still likely to wake up at 'normal time'," says child sleep specialist Katie Palmer from Infant Sleep Consultants. It turns out our internal sleep clocks are pretty powerful.

So here's what to do instead:

• Accept that your child will probably wake up at the normal time on Sunday but see if you can keep them in their cot or bed for 10 minutes or so longer than usual.
• Use mealtimes to adapt to the new time in 3 same-day stages. "Meal times can help to reset your body clock," says Katie, so simply serve up Sunday's meals later and later than usual, unless you've made up the hour. We'd recommend aiming for breakfast 15 mins later, lunch 35 mins later and tea 60 mins later.
• Make bedtime an hour later – or as close to an hour as possible. Your final task is to see if you can move bedtime an hour later, without a torrent of tired tears. (Perhaps this is where an additional couple of Peppa Pig episodes can come in handy...) See what you can do but, if your baby or child can't make the full extra hour, don't push it. You can probably add those extra few minutes to bedtime tomorrow.

Good luck and sleep well!

Pics: Getty Images

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"Learning that something they can't see is still there is a big step in the process of learning how the world works," says Dr Amanda Gummer, founder of the Good Play Guide.

What exactly is object permanence?

Very simply, having a sense of object permanence means understanding that things go on existing even if you can't see them.

Object permanence was first defined by the Swiss psychologist Jean Piaget¹, as part of his overall theory of cognitive development in childhood. It has played a very important part in developmental psychology ever since.

Piaget found that if he showed a very small baby a toy and took it away, the baby didn't look for it – even if they liked the toy and weren't happy that it had disappeared. As far as the baby was concerned, it was there – because they could see it – and then it was not there. They didn't yet have the ability to know that the toy still existed.

But, found Piaget, an older baby reacts differently: they would look for the toy that had been taken away and try to get it back because they realised that it must be somewhere, even if they couldn't see it.

From this, Piaget developed his concept of object permanence: that babies are not born with it but develop it in their 1st year.

At what age do babies learn object permanence?

Piaget's finding set the age at which babies develop object permanence at around 8 months. However, child development experts today believe babies start to develop object permanence much earlier, moving gradually through different developmental phases:

• 0 to 3 months. Your baby likes to look at human faces, and learns to recognise the look (along with the smell and feel) of the people who care for them. (That's where that first real smile comes in, as your not-so-newborn suddenly picks you out with delight.)
• At about 3 months. Your baby starts to notice and recognise objects. They can identify their familiar and favourite things, like toys or nappies, and they're starting to direct their own gaze and movements.
• From 4 to 6 months. Your baby starts to realise that if something they're looking at is partly hidden, they can recognise and reach out for it – and if they throw or drop something, maybe you'll bring it back (as many parents know all too well!). But they still don't make all the connections, and a game of peekaboo is still a delightful surprise for them.
• At around 8 months. This is when your baby really starts to'get' it. If you show them a toy and then you hide it while they watch you, they'll look for it because they realise it still exists and must be somewhere. And a game of peekaboo is all delicious anticipation and giggles, as they wait for you to reappear: they know you're there, they know you're hiding behind your hands and they know you'll be back... but when?
• From 12 months. Your baby can look for things you've hidden and, by 2 years old, they can turn the tables and play with object permanence themselves: they’ll hide things for you to find and start to take the 'hiding' role in peekaboo.

Why is object permanence a key developmental skill?

Object permanence is a key part of a child's understanding of the world, how it works and how they fit into it. It helps them develop their cognitive and thinking skills along with their memory, because they're thinking about where something was, remembering and looking for it.

Understanding object permanence helps your baby them explore the world, and introduces them to the world of pretend play – and play is how children learn about the world and how to deal with it. And because a sense of object permanence widens their understanding, it also helps your baby with language.

"It's a precursor for things like empathy, problem-solving or creative thinking," says Dr Amanda explains. "If your world is only what you can perceive directly around you, it's difficult to imagine other things. So object permanence is a precursor for imagination too."

Along with that, your baby is learning some very important things about people: that people can go away, but they'll come back again. And that's one of the key things they need to know in order to feel secure enough to try new things. It helps to creates a feeling that they are safe.

What is the link between object permanence and separation anxiety?

Object permanence does have a less fortunate flip side: it can make separation anxiety worse. And that's because object permanence applies to people as well as inanimate objects.

A young baby who hasn't yet 'got' object permanence will adjust much more quickly to a loved one leaving their presence. "There's no ability to predict what happens next. It’s just, 'They've gone,'" says Dr Amanda. "So they may cry because you've left but after that they'll settle more quickly." An older baby, however – one that's developed an understanding of object permanence – will react differently, often trying to follow the loved one who has left or at least trying to see where they've gone. And they may feel anxious about not being able to find them for quite some time.

Separation anxiety is something that affects quite a lot of babies and small children, from around 6 months on, as they become more aware of what's going on in the world around them and start wanting to explore things a bit. By now, they've also developed a strong attachment to their particular people – the ones who take care of them and they feel safe with. So, at the point where they develop object permanence, they may already be feeling more anxious about being left.

It can be hard to deal with if your child is unhappy because they can't be with you – but the important thing to remember is that this is because they do feel safe and loved, and at the same time they need to know that their loved adults do come back for them. Don't brush it off: reassure them and find ways to say goodbye that make them feel better. "If you go into a different room, make sure they can still hear you doing things when they can't see you," says Dr Amanda. "That helps reduce the anxiety and strengthens the idea of object permanence too."

But also remember that this is part of baby development, and it's a stage – that passes – like any other.

What is the link between object permanence and ADHD?

If you've heard of this, try not to worry too much. There are some theories that people with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) have particular problems with object permanence. This can worry parents whose babies don't seem to be getting the concept as quickly as their peers.

However, it's very rare for children to be diagnosed with ADHD before around school age at the youngest – and certainly not at baby or toddler stage. Don't take this alone as anything to worry about. Although, of course, if you do have specific concerns, talk to your health practitioners and ask for advice.

What games and activities will help my baby learn object permanence?

To help your baby learn object permanence, you can play:

Peekaboo. Sitting or standing close to your baby, cover your face with your hands or a blanket. Then open your hands or remove the blanket and say in a loud, happy voice, "Peekaboo!"  Repeat. Don't cover your face for more than a couple of seconds to begin with and always show a lovely, smiley face when you reveal yourself: this way your baby will understand that this game is fun – and the repetition will start reinforce the idea that you haven't actually disappeared when your face was hidden.

Hiding games. Babies and toddlers are a little too young for 'real' hide and seek but you can play a fun version of it with toys. You'll need to accompany it with an explanation – "Here's Teddy, now I'm going to hide Teddy, where's Teddy gone?" Don’t hide Teddy anywhere too complicated, at least to start with. You could just hide Teddy under a blanket or your top, and then pull the toy out for the big reveal.

What's behind the flap? Sit your baby on your lap and look at a lift-the-flap book or a toy with a lift-up flap. Lift up the flap and accompany the reveal with an excited voice.

The cardboard tube game. 'Post' a plastic ball (or a squished up ball of kitchen paper) through an empty cardboard tube to see it emerge the other end.

The scarf in the tissue box. Cram a lightweight scarf into an empty tissue box and then slowly pull it out.

All of these games are teaching your child that things go away and come back in a way that's fun and – and, as they grow older and can lift flaps and pull scarves on their won, in a way that's under their own control.

But remember, says Dr Amanda, that it's a gradual process, not a sudden overnight skill. "It's not something you need to force or rush," she says. And you certainly don't want to focus on this alone. "Object permanence is part of cognitive development, that's for sure, but remember your baby also needs to flourish emotionally and physically. Playing in lots of ways is how they thrive best."

What’s an object permanence box?

An object permanence box is a toy used in Montessori learning to help children grasp the concept. It is used for babies of around the crucial age of 7 to 8 months, as part of the Montessori ethic of simple, sensory-based materials and hands-on learning.  You can make an object permanence box by using a cardboard (or wood) box with a lid and a small toy (make sure the toy isn't small enough for your baby to swallow or choke on). Cut a hole in the lid of the box so your baby can ‘post’ the toy through, and another hole in the side so they can retrieve it. Playing with this box, over and over again – and of course you can vary the toys – will teach your child they can ‘make’ things disappear and then find them again – and it’s all within their own control.  If you prefer, you can of course buy a box, like this Wooden Object Permanence Box with Tray (pictured).

References

^{1. Scott HK, Cogburn M.Piaget. [Updated 2023 Jan 9]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing, 2023 Jan}

Pics: Getty

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There are all sorts of different ways for a child to play, and each one is key to developing a skill that's crucial to their development. Understanding this helps us parents make sure we find time to play with our children in different ways, so that we're encouraging them to learn and grow a wide range of skills, as well as strengthening their bonds with us – and having lots of fun.

Here are 6 key ways to play with your child to help them learn and grow

1. Play that boosts self-expression

Why it's important: Children tend to be honest about what they think and feel – as any of us who've had to deal with a screaming toddler in a supermarket knows only too well! But, in child-development terms, self-expression is much more than an outpouring of heavy emotion; it's about learning to name your inner feelings and communicate your wants and needs in a way others can understand and respond to.

How to encourage play that boosts self-expression with your child: Get ready for pretend play! Act out imaginary scenarios that reflect your child's interests, from controlling the trains at the train station to flying to far-off fairy kingdoms. Use dress up clothes, if you have them, but don't worry too much about fancy props: some cardboard boxes, household objects and a blanket or two will usually cover most role-play bases. If role play isn't your child's thing, try acting out similar scenarios with toys instead. This kind of 'small world play', which gives voices and scenarios to toys, will help your child practise expressing thoughts and feelings. There are loads of toys that are great for small world play, from dollhouses to toy kitchens to pretend emergency-services HQs, like the LEGO DUPLO Fire Station & Helicopter, which will give ample chance for acting out all sorts of rescue scenes!

2. Play that builds confidence and resilience

Why it's important: Life is full of challenges – and, though our instincts as parents are to protect our child from anything that might go wrong, learning to deal with missteps is a key life skill. Giving your child the chance to practise coping with little failures in a safe space and to learn how to adjust and reason their way out of problems, is a brilliant way to nurture in them an inner core of confidence and resilience they can rely on as they grow.

How to encourage play that builds confidence and resilience: Construction play is a fabulous way to nurture these skills. Whether it's building something cool from bricks or blocks, completing a puzzle or creating giant dens in the great outdoors, there's much to be gained from this trial-and-error, problem-solving play. Because your child's meeting challenges in a safe environment, they can learn that mistakes are OK and can be put right, and that not giving up and having another go often leads to success. And, as the adult playing alongside your child, you can model how to cope with initial frustrations, work out solutions and bounce back from failure.

3. Play that nurtures emotional growth

Why it's important: It's one thing to be able to express your own feelings; it's quite another to be able to notice, understand and take into account how others are feeling. And children who acquire this kind of emotional intelligence early often find it easier to form relationships with other children and, as they grow older, cope better with stress, anxiety and the ups and downs of school life.

How to encourage play that nurtures emotional growth: Toys designed to be cared for – dolls and toy animals – or toys you can use in caring role play – doctor's sets, vet's sets, play hospitals or farms– are key to this kind of play. You might like to practise bathing 'babies' by cleaning up plastic baby dolls in the bath, or taking 'poorly' teddy bears to the 'teddy hospital'. A favourite in our house is also taking torn books to the 'book hospital' where we sticky-tape them better… Talk with your child about how the baby/teddy is feeling and encourage them to talk sympathetically to their 'patient' as they make them better.

4. Play that promotes early literacy skills

Why it's important: Children are wired to pick up language, and play with plenty of conversational interaction accelerates that process, building listening and speaking skills and sucking up little lessons in how language works and stories are constructed that will prove invaluable when your child starts school.

How to encourage play that promotes early literacy skills: Reading stories regularly with your child is a wonderful habit to get into, as part of your regular play routine. Listening to – and joining in with – songs and nursery rhymes are excellent too: play them in the car on the way to the supermarket, and you’ll soon see how quickly your child pick up songs with repeating patterns. It’s also a great idea to encourage play that strengthens the pincer grip and fine-finger motor skills a child needs to begin their own mark making (in readiness for forming letters at school). Look out for toys that have elements for little hands to thread, post and/or stack and, on days when you're ready for a bit of mess, get out some paints and brushes and make some colourful splodge paintings together.

5. Play that develops independence and self-reliance

Why it's important: Children spend a lot of their day being told what to do, when to do it and where they're going. So consciously finding them time to independently – where they can decide what to play with and how to play with it (within reason!) – helps them feel more capable of tackling things on their own and coming up with their own creative ideas.

How to encourage play that develops independence and self-reliance: This is all about providing plenty of opportunity for your child to self-select toys and resources for play. I recommend having a storage space in your home where your child can easily access and see their toys at their own eye level. For us, it's a simple bookcase, firmly attached to the wall, where shelves at our toddler’s height have a selection of her toys on. As she grows, she has more access to the shelves by height – and my books get relegated to the upstairs cupboards! I recommend only having a small selection of toys to choose from, so that your child isn't bombarded with choice, and regularly rotating them (we keep about a third of our toddler's toys in a wardrobe upstairs).

6. Play that builds healthy bodies

Why it's important: We grown ups all know about the health benefits of keeping active and that's no less true for children than for adults. In fact, it's probably even more true, as physical play doesn't just keep little bodies fit, it improves gross motor skills, develops balance and movement control – and delivers a huge hit of fun. Oh, and helps tire them out nicely before bedtime…

How to encourage play that build healthy bodies: Balance bikes, ride-on toys, trikes and scooters are all brilliant but you don't need any special equipment if you live near a park with a playground or you have a back garden you can build a little obstacle course in. If you're stuck inside on a rainy day, play action games like Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes or If You're Happy and You Know It – or simply put on some loud music and bounce around the living room together.

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